Toxic Positivity in the Church

A while back Adam Grant tweeted that, "cultures of toxic positivity are full of pressure to show constant enthusiasm.  Healthy cultures offer freedom to express unpleasant emotions.  You can say you're languishing, depressed, anxious, or burned out - and you feel supported rather than judged."

Toxic Positivity is a problem in lots of businesses and homes, but is a huge problem in the Church.  What I mean by that is that there's very often an unspoken expectation that you need to be positive all the time.  Even if you have to fake it.  

"God is good."

"God has a plan."

"At least I have _____."

"It could always be worse."

"I love my church!"

"Honor the pastor, no matter what."

Whether it's a crisis going on in my life or a problem going on within my particular church, there's often times an unhealthy feeling or expectation that the crisis or problem needs to be downplayed and pushed to the back burner so that enthusiasm about life and God and faith and the church can abound. I can rarely be my true self and need to check my problems at the door; or if I dare bring them in with me, I have to wrap them up in a nice, neat bow of pithy Christian statements that replace the problems in my life with praise for God, love for the church, and relentless positivity that everything is going to work out for the best.

And if my problems persist? If the depression deepens? If the situations worsen?

I must be doing something wrong.

I must not be reading my Bible enough.

Going to church enough.

I must have a hidden sin in my life.

I must have a demon.

There must be something wrong ... with me.

The reality, though, is that cultures where relentless enthusiasm silences depression, anxiety, abuse, oppression. and the like creates atmospheres of toxic positivity where the positivity being spewed from every direction is fake, forced, coerced, and manipulated.  

At the end of the day, toxic positivity makes light of mental health struggles and that's not a place where anyone needs to stay. And so I wanted to tell you today that if you're in a church where you aren't comfortable being your true self because the expectation of those around you is that you push on, put on a happy face, be grateful, praise God, wear an "I Love My Church" t-shirt, clap for the pastor, toss your money in the plate, and check your real feelings at the door.

Well.

You should run. And don’t look back. When it comes to your mental and emotional wellbeing, sometimes you need to take drastic measures like walking out of your church and walking into a therapist's office where you'll (hopefully) be listened to, taken seriously, and possibly given a prescription for ...

Not cliche Bible verses.

Not a Bible reading plan.

Not an invitation to join a small group.

Not a guilt trip to give more money.

... But a prescription for some pills that will help balance some of the chemicals in your brain and allow you to live a more healthy life. 

Know today that there's nothing wrong with you, my friend. You are good just the way you are. And if you've ever been made to feel by the Church that you're less than because of your feelings or emotions or because of the crap you're plowing through in your life, I'm sorry. I have no words other than run, and don't look back. And on your way out the door be sure to drop by the What If Project Community page where we have around 300 people from around the world in the same lifeboat. 

Much love,

Glenn Siepert