An Appreciation of Uniqueness
a different way to view the world
Friends.
The other day I was in the woods behind my house. I had just mowed the lawn and was tossing away some branches / limbs that had recently fallen down after a storm. Back when we moved into the house, the woods were overgrown and overrun with weeds and vines and trees and so I used my chainsaw to cut myself a path that leads to the very end of our property so that I can dump grass clippings, leaves, limbs, etc. that will help the ecosystem back there thrive.
Anyways.
So I walked down my path and noticed how many different kinds of trees and plants there are back there - no 2 things are the same!
Pine trees.
Oak trees.
Some sort of tree with a tropical flower on it.
Chestnut trees.
Random patches of grass.
Poison Ivy.
Trees with long vines coming off of them.
I put the branches down and stood there for a moment, taking it all in - all the different types of trees and plants and weeds not to mention the different kinds of animals and insects: spiders, squirrels, chipmunks, field mice, centipedes, etc.
And then I had this thought.
Actually, the thought came from a book I’m reading, but as I was standing there in the woods I recalled the book and the words that were shared. I mentioned the book last week, it’s called “There Is No Other” by Ram Dass and in the book he talks about how we tend to appreciate the uniqueness of things like trees while having preferences when it comes to humanity. AND. That preference in regards to humanity is what creates judgment and division and many of the problems we have today.
Have you noticed this?
When I was in the woods, I was appreciating the uniquness of all the different forms of life that were growing, running, flying, etc. around me:
The GIANT oak tree.
The CHRISTMAS-Y looking pine tree.
The slow moving SPIDER.
The timid SQUIRREL.
I mean, it sounds obvious, but follow me here: I wasn’t “disappointed” that the squirrel wasn’t less timid, I wasn’t annoyed that the oak tree was too tall, I wasn’t surpised that the spider didn’t scurry away faster.
No.
I simply appreciated each form of life for what it was.
But.
When it comes to humans? Oh, yes. I have my preferences. Don’t you?
“He’s way too political.”
“Her politics are OK because she’s more progressive.”
“His politics are awful because he’s a Trump supporter.”
“I don’t mind being around her.”
“I want to stay far away from him.”
“Why can’t he be more welcoming, more loving?”
“I don’t like the way she looks at me.”
“I don’t apprecaite the tone that barista used when she took my order.”
“That dude’s theology could not be more off.”
I could keep going, I’ve barely scratched the surface of the various ways I prefer humans to be that have passed through my mind over the last week … but I think you get the point.
Division, Ram Dass says, along with judgment and hate and all the things that are flying around our world today comes (at least partly) due to our tendency to PREFER certain types of humans as opposed to APPRECIATING the uniquiness of humans.
But.
This is hard, right? And it’s hard because (as humans) we are so used to thinking in terms of dualism where things are either …
GOOD or BAD.
RIGHT or WRONG.
HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY.
… and so it’s only natural for us to throw humans into these categories so that we “like” or “welcome” or “are OK with” the humans who emulate behaviors and ideals that we (or our team/side) consider to be “good” and “right” and “healthy” while we “dislike” or “outcast” or “aren’t OK with” the humans who emulate behaviors and ideas that we (or our team/side) consider to be “bad” and “wrong” and “unhealthy”.
Ram Dass goes on to say …
“When you move into some altared state of awareness, you see everything as equally acceptable as everything else. You go behind good and evil. You go behind the two and you see the One. You see nothing is any different from anything else. Nothing. Death, life, murder, joy, all of it. It’s just … there.”
Now.
I know what you’re thinking (because I thought it too, HA!) - “so, what? We just accept everything that everyone and anyone does? Behavior doesn’t matter? Anything goes? What kind of world would that be?!”
Ram Dass, I think, would say that if we go back into the woods with the trees and weeds and things … the answer is there.
How so?
Well.
I don’t try to manipulate the oak tree to be a pine tree or the manipulate the spider to be a field mouse or for the poison ivy to be a flowery plant, right? I don’t “hate” or “judge” one of those things because it’s not another.
No.
Instead.
I just let them be. I want nothing to do with poison ivy, but it is what it is. If I get too close to it, I know that it will effect me in less than desirable ways and so I stay away from it - I honor it for what it is. I’ve even put a fence up in my backyard, which helps create a boundary of sorts that the plants (somehow!) know to stay behind.
But?
If that poison ivy somehow finds its way into the backyard? Or if the spiders make a home on Jordan’s swingset?
Well.
Then we need to enforce some harder boundaries because although I appreciate the poison ivy for its uniqueness and the spiders for theirs, I also know that their touch and their bite can be harmful to me and my family and so I might need to spray the poison ivy and move the spider back behind the boundary.
What if we could treat one another (as humans) the same way?
Hm.
The guy down the street from me who has Trump flags still hanging on his house: what if I can appreciate the uniqueness of his views without agreeing with them?
AND.
What if he could appreciate the uniqueness of my views without agreeing with them?
AND.
What if I didn’t feel the need to “change him” to be more like me?
AND.
What if he didn’t feel the need to “change me” to be more like him?
Yes.
What if we put our “preferences for humans” aside and tried to embrace the “uniquess of humans” instead?
AND.
What if after (perhaps) having a conversation with him that proved to go nowhere, what if I created a boundary of sorts - a fence that let both sides know (me and him) that although I appreciate the uniqueness of his views and him as a person, I have to draw a line at having conversations with him that revolve around religion and/or politics because it feels like the conversations never lead us anywhere good?
For me - getting too close to those conversations? Getting bitten by his words?
Much like the poison ivy, it has a less than desireable effect on me (!) … just as those conversations with me and my words to him might have a less than desireable effect on him.
AND.
What if when those boundaries aren’t respected, I verbally place him back on the other side of the fence, on the other side of the boundary - “hey, it seems like our conversation is headed into places that aren’t healthy for me and so I’d rather not discuss it. Let’s talk sports or TV or how you get your lawn so green or whatever, but let’s shelve this conversation for now - perhaps we can pick it up later sometime.”
AND.
What if after months or maybe even years of talking about sports or TV or our kids and/or grandkids or how green his grass is or whatever … what if after months of building mutual trust around those conversations, what if it allowed me (and him) to walk behind the fence of our boundaries and stand amidst the woods of each other’s lives to appreciate the uniquess of our views so much so that we could share them, discuss them, and maybe even debate them in a more respectable way?
Yes.
Ram Dass says this …
“Why can’t I just be happy with them the way that they are? You’re a liar, a cheat, and a scoundrel, and I love you. I won’t play games with you (or in my, Glenn’s, illustration - “I won’t come behind the fence!), but I love you. It’s interesting to move to the level where you can appreciate love instead of constantly bringing in the judging component, which is really rooted in your own feelings of lack of power.”
Dang.
That hits hard, doesn’t it? And (if I’m being really real with myself), it’s 100% the reason why I feel the urge to judge the views of the guy down the street with the Trump flags on his house: because I have no power (absolutely no power) to change him and so judging him makes me feel like I have at least some sort of power.
And so these days I’m trying to put my desire for power aside. “No Kings Day”? I had a friend who told me she stayed in her house ALL DAY on “No Kings Day” AND wore her “No Kings” shirt.
Why?
To remind herself that (first and foremost) she’s not king over anyone else’s ideas, thoughts, values, etc. She wanted to make a conscious effort in the quietness of her home to lay her own crown aside, cast away judgment, and work towards embracing the uniqueness of others even if she doesn’t agree with a single word that comes out of their mouth. It was her way of “standing in the woods”, so to speak, behind the “fences and boundaries” she’s placed in her life to have a better appreciation for the uniqueness of humanity. It was her way of (as Ram Dass said) stepping behind “good and evil” to get a better glimpse of the One that we all are because more than separate beings who believe this or that, we are all part of the same Divine Being or Energy or whatever who loves each part of itself (you, me, the guy with the Trump flags) exactly the same.
And.
Is this easy? Heck no. But, friends? I’m at a place where I’m realizing that the arguing and fighting and blogging about and making videos about and posting about all the things we “hate” and “can’t stand” about THEM … it’s really not working.
Both sides do it - the Right and the Left. Both sides argue and fight and blog and make videos about and post about all the things they “hate” and “can’t stand” about the OTHER SIDE. Every time I log onto social media, it’s the same thing and the same energy and the same results: more division, more fighting, more spinning our wheels.
I think Ram Dass was onto something and even if I’m not 100% what it is or what it looks like in a practical way - I’m willing to dance with it and see where it leads.
And?
It’s OK if you’re not there. It’s OK if you think that I’m out of my mind. It’s OK if you’re appalled by these ideas. I value the uniqueness of your views (and used to hold them, as well!) even if I see things differently these days.
Much love,
Glenn || PATREON / ART STUDIO