Father's Day, Grief, and Hard Times

reflections

Friends.

Father’s Day was last week and it was weird. It still is. It will always be, I suppose. I felt stuck in this vortex of celebrating my own fatherhood, reflecting on being a dad to Jordan … all the while missing my own dad.

No more bringing him cards on Father’s Day.

No more buying him a new tool for his toolbox.

No more coffee in the living room, laughing about the past or talking about life.

No more discussions about how well or poor the Yankees are doing (they’ve lost 5 in a row, I know he’s not happy with that).

Sigh.

It was a weird day.

Mixed with the weird feelings are house problems (homeownership is a WILD experience, am I right?!), family things, and a general feeling of complete mental/physical exhaustion.

And, honestly? I just let it be weird, I just let myself be and feel empty. In the past I would have tried to shove my feelings down and put on a happy face … but nowadays? I just let my feelings be and try to be kind to myself as I reflect on it all.

Also.

Reflection has been happening a lot apart from social media. I don’t really spend much time there these days, if I’m being honest. I send reels back and forth with Dana, my mom, and some friends. I post about the podcast once in a while, art here and there. I follow some baseball accounts, art, Green Day, etc.

But.

Really.

I don’t log in nearly as much as I used to and I don’t share stuff (life stuff, spiritual stuff, God stuff, etc) as much as I used to, either. All of my posts for Bart Ehrman and Alexander John Shaia are scheduled via a scheduling program and so other than going in to look at comments - I’ve cut myself free from the grips of the social media monster.

As a result?

I feel much less aggravated.

My brain feels much clearer.

My nerves feel a bit more calm.

I feel more creative.

AND.

I feel like I have space to process things (like Father’s Day) in the stillness/quietness of my heart instead of in front of an audience of supporters and/or critics.

Anyways - I dropped in to say it’s OK to “still be grieving” whatever it is that you’ve lost - whether thart loss came this year, last year, or 10 years ago. And it’s OK that holidays and events that once brought nonstop joy now bring joy mixed with sadness and anger and other complicated, confusing feelings. It’s also OK to pull back from social media. It’s OK if it overwhelms your already overwhelmed nervous system. It’s OK if you see political/religious/spiritual things different than those on your friends list and/or those who might sit around your holiday dinner table. It’s OK to not feel the need to explain that to everyone. It’s OK to process things in your journal instead of on Facebook, it’s OK to store up and treasure your expanding thoughts like Mary stored up and treasured her expanding belly before she shared the immaculate conception of Jesus with the world.

Yes.

It’s OK.

It’s ALL OK.

It ALL (somehow!) belongs - the good, the bad, the confusion, the highs, the lows, the house problems, the family things, the wins, the losses.

It’s all part of life, it all fits, and it’s all helping to form your beautiful soul on this leg of it’s earthly journey through eternity.

What’s that mean? I don’t even know, but it feels right.

Much love, thanks for being here.

• Glenn || PATREON / ART STUDIO