Stone #5: The Stone of Expectations
maybe everyone doesn't have to be like me
Friends.
I had today’s post all written and ready to go and then I deleted it and went back to the drawing board with a blank, white screen and a blinking curser.
It’s not that the post wasn’t any good.
Or.
That it wasn’t flowing.
Or.
That I didn’t like what I had written.
Quite the contrary, actually. The post was great (I am biased, but I think it was pretty good). It was about how I’m learning to drop the stones of “negative energy” and how I’m learning to do that thanks to a guy who lives down the street from us who pushes me into a rage everytime I drive by his house because a few years ago he spoke to and treated Jordan in a way that hurt her.
And how …
Even after (nicely) confronting him.
Calmly sharing how his actions hurt my (then) 6 year old.
This guy? This grown man?
He refuses to apologize.
Anyways.
So the post was about how everytime I would drive by his house, I’d wish him a bad day, flip off his house, and have an imaginary argument with him (where I always “won”, by the way). Over time, though, I came to realize that perhaps the negative energy I was bombing his house with was impacting me way more than it was impact him and that maybe …
Just maybe.
… it would be better if I tried tossing some positive energy his way.
It was a great post and maybe it’ll make an appearance one day, but I deleted it because a few days ago I had a conversation with Liza Rankow on the podcast (the episode will drop on April 6) that blew me away and really made me stop and think and ponder my life.
Liza wrote a book called “Soul Medicine for a Fractured World” and one of the things we talked about in our conversation reminded me of another stone that I tend to throw at people, maybe even more so than any kind of “negative energy”.
And the stone is this:
The Stone of Expecting People to Be Like Me.
Back when I identified as a Conservative Evangelical, I expected everyone to think and believe like me.
Right?
I mean, that’s kinda the whole idea in that part of the Christian Universe, that if people don’t “believe the right things” like I do (because, well - obviously WE believe the right things, right?!) then they are …
Dangerous.
Not to be associated with.
Prone to lead me astray in my faith.
AND.
Above all: destined for hell.
The whole idea of Evangelism (for the most part) was trying to share our understanding of God, Jesus, salvation, etc. with people so that they might believe the same things we do and, therefore, avoid going to hell when they die. And anyone who was resistant to our sharing was seen as lost, on the road to destruction, unenlightened, etc.
Then when I switched allegiance to the Progressive side and became a Progressive-Minded Christian, my values and things changed …
I was now supportive of LGBTQ people.
I was now supportive of women’s rights.
I no longer believed in hell.
I no longer believed that the Bible was inerrant.
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
… my values changed; but I soon realized that my tendency to expect everyone to think like me remained exactly the same as I carried the same “you should think like me and if you don’t, you’re lost” energy from the Right to the Left.
“What do you mean you don’t support LGBTQ people?!”
“What do you mean you support Donald Trump?! Are you KIDDING ME?!”
“What do you mean you don’t support Black Lives Matter?!”
“What do you mean you won’t wear a mask during COVID?!”
As was the case when I identified as a Conservative Evangelical, I still (as a Progressive-Minded Christian) expected people to think and believe like me and felt (deep, deep down inside) that if they identified with “those MAGA people” or “those Christian Nationalist people” or they had too many flag stickers on their car or seemed too Patriotic or were too outspoken about their disapproval of Pride or Pro-Choice or whatever.
Well.
Then they were dangerous, lost, on the road to destruction, and (clearly) not as enlightened as me. And these (and other) labels? I admit that they are all “stones” I so easily toss at people (something I still struggle with today) if they don’t align with my “expectations” of thinking like I do about spiritual, social, political etc. issues.
Sigh.
I’m in this place now, though, where. I don’t know. But I’m caring less and less and less about whether or not people think like I do while caring very much so about WHY people think like they do.
Like.
Do people think like they do because … their parents thought that way?
Do people think like they do because … everyone on “their side” thinks that way?
Do people think like they do because … the media says they should?
Do people think like they do because … a teacher or professor thinks that way?
Do people think like they do because … they worry they’ll be excluded if they don’t?
OR.
Do people think like they do because deep down inside that’s what the still, small voice is leading them to believe and leading them to think; and how it’s leading them to act and live and make their way through the world?
Hm.
The key to changing the world, I think, isn’t so much about building a world where everyone thinks the same way, but building a world where everyone is in touch with their intuituon - the still, small voice inside that leads with love, grace, compassion, kindness, etc.
This voice?
It’s not typically* found in the comment sections of Facebook.
It’s not typically* found in 140 character posts on Twitter/X.
It’s not typically* found in us vs. them thinking.
It’s not typically* found in judging and shaming “the other”.
It’s not typically* found in the insistence that we’re right, everyone else is wrong.
(*I say “typically” because. Well. Who am I to say where the Divine voice will show up? Can it show up on Twitter? In a comment section? In an argument or debate with someone? Sure. In fact, that’s one of the places I FIRST heard it - while I was weaponizing my words against a MAGA supporter and just about to pound “enter” on my keyboard to post the comment, the voice spoke up inside and said, “not so fast” … and everything changed for me. So, yes - it CAN show up in those places; however, I’m finding that it MOST FREQUENTLY shows up in other ways.)
Instead.
For me?
And for a lot of the mystics I’ve been reading about?
It’s found in stillness.
It’s found in meditation, in being mindful of the moments we’re in, the words we speak, the energy that flows through us.
It’s found in a curiosity of “the other”.
It’s found in the realization of how connected we all are, which leads to the dissolution of separation.
It’s found in self-compassion, which leads us to be more compassionate on others.
And so I wonder.
What if those of us on the Right AND those of us on the Left were able to be more still in these days that seem to light fires under us to move?
What if we became more mindful of the words we speak? Of the energy that flows through us and out of us, onto others?
What if we became more curious and less judgmental of those we or our side labels as “the other”?
What if we became more compassionate on ourselves - recognizing and having grace on our own shortcomings, our own mistakes, our own tendencies to judge and shame and other and cast out?
What if we spent time meditating on how connected we are to one another, as opposed to how disconnected we are?
Yes.
What if?
And what if rather than lead us all to a place of thinking and believing the same things, what if this led us to be more loving, more kind, and more compassionate?
And what if even if our voting choices didn’t change, what if what changed was how we treat one another? How we speak to one another? How we think about one another?
And I wonder if (maybe?) even if these changes don’t lead us to switch from Right to Left or Left to Right so that we all think, believe ,and vote the same way … I wonder if maybe this would help us all tune into the still, small, (I believe) Divine voice inside that will lead us on the path of love, grace, kindness, and compassion wherever we find ourselves in the world?
Because.
Honestly?
There are people on the LEFT who are super kind and compassionate and people on the LEFT who are super unkind and hateful.
AND.
There are people on the RIGHT who are super kind and compassionate and people on the RIGHT who are super unkind and hateful.
As I’ve said in other places, I think we are in a place where the problem isn’t a Right or a Left problem as much as it’s a problem of waking and up and remembering who we are (people made in the image of love) and learning to live from that place of love so that we begin to identify less at a Progressive or a Conservative or as a Trump supporter or a Democrat or whatever and more as a Divinely-infused human being who is set on making sure that everyone, everywhere is welcomed, included, heard, and loved.
Phew.
Perhaps my ideas are too lofty, I don’t know. But this is what I’m imaging these days - not a world where everyone thinks like me, but a world where everyone has tapped into the voice of love and compassion that dwells within us all and is living from that place … in whatever sector of society or part of the world they find themselves in.
Much love.
Glenn || SUPPORT / ART STUDIO
PS - here are some books that are helping me with the “Stone of Expectations” …
And: The Restorative Power of Love by Felicia Murrell
Ordinary Mysticism by Mirabia Starr
See No Stranger by Valarie Kaur