WHAT IF There Are NO Bad Parts of Ourselves?

i'm reading about IFS

Friends.

I wanted to share something with you that I’m learning about. I’m reading a book called “Self Help” by Gabby Bernstein where she takes us into the idea of “Internal Family Systems Therapy” (IFS for short).

Have you heard of this?

It’s the idea that rather than being a “mono person” we are actually a person who is a made up of “many different parts that have developed from overwhelming events that took place when we were children.”

You’ve heard of the idea of an “inner child”, right? I’ve talked about it here and on the podcast a lot, but it’s this idea that there’s a younger version of ourselves living inside of us who reacts in the same way he/she used to react when an event arises TODAY that reminds him/her of a painful event that happened in the PAST.

And so for me.

I’ve always struggled with not feeling “good enough” - I always felt like I needed to be more, do more, accomplish more, etc. in order to be “seen” and “enough”. In school I was told it was a “demon” that needed to be “cast out” of me, but I’ve recently come to believe that the voice inside saying …

“You’re not good enough.”

“You can’t do it.”

Etc.

… isn’t a demon, but a younger version of me who is parroting back things he heard or was made to feel when he was younger. And so instead of trying to cast him out as if he is some sort of deranged demonic force, I’ve worked to befriend him - check in with him, get curious about why he is feeling the way he’s feeling, and tell him the truth - “we can do this, you are good enough”, etc.

Anyways.

We find a similar idea in IFS, but instead of there being ONE inner child - there are many … many younger versions of ourselves who “act up” or “act out” or “make an appearance” or “make themselves known” (I’m still working with the right language to describe them!) when they find themselves faced with situations in the present that remind them of hurtful situations in the past.

These parts begin to move and then “Managers” kick in with the goal of keeping the inner child hidden/safe/out of range, “Managers” like …

Being a workaholic.

Needing to be in control.

Perfectionism.

Rage / Anger.

Giving up when challenged.

Etc.

… these “Managers” are things or parts of us that we assume are “just the way we are” (“I just like things to be perfect, I get angry when I’m challenged, I feel uncomfortable if I’m not in control”, etc.), but they are actually protection mechanisms that we have subconsciously put into place in an effort to protect that younger version of ourselves. They can also be more extreme things, as well, like addictions, self-harm, disordered eating, etc. that are put into play in an effort to “put out the fire” of the jittery feelings of NEEDING to work, NEEDING to be in control, NEEDING to be perfect, being CONSUMED with anger, etc.

Phew.

That’s a lot, right?

And so the idea of IFS is to get to know these different parts (become aware of them) so that our True Self can relate to them not with judgement or shame, but with compassion, kindness, and love - like we would to our own children.

And so for me? That’s one of my focuses in 2025 - to stop shaming myself for the feelings in me that arise and appear “abnormal” or “wrong” or whatever - to stop shaming those things and (instead) get curious about them … show them compassion, kindness, and love.

Because what if this is true, right?

Like.

What if there are NO bad parts to ourselves? What if the things about ourselves we consider to be bad or dumb or stupid or wrong or “demonic” or whatever … what if they aren’t bad at all, but are just subconscious managers that have been put into place to protect us since we were children? What if the addictions and disorders and anger and perfectionisms … what if they are all just ways that our subsconsious has tried to put out the fires of grief that have consumed our smaller selves for so long - grief that comes from experiences that we remember AND don’t remember? And what if we could look past all of those things and look into the eyes of our younger selves to ask them what’s wrong, what they’re feeling, why they are feeling the way they are … and what they need?

Yes.

What if it ALL belongs? What if none of it needs to be cast our like a demon, but healed by the gentle, compassionate, loving touch of our own True/Divine nature?

Hm.

Much to consider.

• Glenn || PATREON / ART STUDIO